Such is Life
by seducemysoul
Summary: After the war, Harry has to deal with all of his guilt and unhappiness. But he has his best friends, his old love, and a new family. He's going to make it through everything just fine with a little help from everybody.
1. Chapter 1

Harry blinked. He rolled over trying to think why he woke up. But as he rolled over he was looking into the eyes of Kreacher, his house-elf.

"Gah!" Harry exclaimed pushing himself up from an unfamiliar four-poster bed.

"Kreacher is sorry to disturb you Master, but you has been asleep for a long time and the mudbl- the Hermione friend of yours told Kreacher to wake you for breakfast." He bowed to make up for almost uttering the forbidden insult.

"Thank you Kreacher," Harry mumbled, "I uh. Do you think you could get some clean clothes from Hermione for me? And bring them straight back?"

"Yes Master." Kreacher bowed so low his nose brushed the floor.

As soon as Kreacher was gone, Harry sat up running his hands through his hair, but ending getting caught in the tangles making it much more untidier. He sat there thinking of why he was in the seventh year dorm room at Hogwarts and then it hit him.

He groaned and lay back down on the bed. Pangs of guilt and depression washed over him as he thought about all the people who had died in the battle. He knew he should be grateful that the war was over and everyone was safe but he couldn't help cursing the world over the lives, no matter how bravely his loved ones fought. His breath hitched and his throat closed up but he wasn't crying. He just sat there feeling numb and in shock over the whole ordeal.

A loud pop indicated Kreacher had returned with Harry's clothes. Harry didn't even jump; he just looked at his expectant house-elf holding out his trousers and tee out to him.

"Thanks Kreacher," he muttered weakly, his voice sounding slightly strangled. He got up and took the clothes from Kreacher thanking him and telling him to tell Hermione that he'd be down momentarily. Kreacher left, leaving Harry to change out of his clothes that he must've forgotten to change out of the night before.

He sighed and began by taking off his shoes.

~X~

Kreacher came back with Ron and Hermione just as Harry was putting back on his shoes. Kreacher asked his master for permission to leave and once Harry agreed he Disapperated somewhere else.

"Harry!" Hermione said as soon as Kreacher left and embraced him. Ron stood behind her with his hands in his pockets and smiled weakly at Harry. Hermione let him go and put her hands on his shoulders assessing him for damage.

"Oh!" She exclaimed, "Harry you're covered in burns from the Fiendfyre!" She frowned and looked at Ron. "Why didn't we think of that when we went to go get the dreamless sleep potion from Madam Pomfrey yesterday?" Ron shrugged but looked slightly abashed for not thinking of that.

Harry blinked as realization dawned on him. "Did… did you drug me yesterday?" Hermione whipped back around and looked at Harry and blushed. She slowly took her hands off his shoulders and took his hands into hers. Ron took a few steps forward just in case he has to intervene something.

"I'm really sorry Harry. But you looked about ready to pass out from exhaustion and when we came up to the seventh year dorm you just took that bed right there and fell asleep. But er… your sleep didn't seem very peaceful, so we got some potion; you know that you took after the 3rd task in Triwizard tournament. We woke you up enough to take it, and you fell straight back to sleep, and slept very peacefully for about another…" She paused letting go of one of Harry's hands and grabbed Ron's wrist to look at the time, "12 hours." She let go of Harry's other hand and crossed her arms looking at Harry apprehensively.

Harry looked at Ron looking stunned for a moment. "Sorry mate," Ron said sounding sheepish, "We thought it was for the best." Harry sighed and shot an exasperated look at both Ron and Hermione and decided to let it go. They were probably right. Harry had slept peacefully but he also didn't want to rely on that potion forever.

He glanced past Hermione towards the door they came in through. "Do I have to go back down there?" He asked filled with dread.

Hermione looked at him sympathetically, "At least to visit the hospital wing to get your burns treated." Harry pursed his lips, debating whether or not to put up with the physical pain to avoid more emotional pain. In the end he relented and the Golden Trio walked down to the hospital wing.

~X~

Upon arrival the first person Harry recognized, besides the hustling and bustling Madam Pompfrey, was Draco Malfoy sitting in a bed with some bandages covering what Harry assumed were his burns from the Fiendfyre. Malfoy looked up, saw Harry, turned even paler than he already was and got up as though his body was willing him to. He looked surprised at himself as his feet propelled him towards Harry. His feet halted him a few feet away from the Golden Trio, smack dab in front of Harry. Ron looked absolutely electric with anger but Hermione held tight to his arm to keep him from tackling Malfoy. Harry on the other hand just looked uneasy. As well did Malfoy. He looked like he was about to throw up right there.

"I uh…" Malfoy began sounding squeamish. "I wanted to apologize for everything, and I wanted to thank you for saving my life." His eyebrows shot up at the sound of his apology to the boy he had always despised and envied.

Harry looked relieved but Ron, well, Ron blew up.

"You little git! Are you kidding me? You have harassed us for years, you broke Harry's nose, you joined the Death Eaters, you almost killed Dumbledore, you practically almost sold us out to You-Know-Who, and you expect us to forgive you when you come crawling back for forgiveness because you chose the wrong side?!" Ron was breathing heavily, his face possibly redder than his hair in the correct lighting, and was about ready to started screaming more profanities when Madam Pompfrey came hustling over looking furious.

"Mr. Weasly, I have patients in here trying to recover, and I will not have you causing a riot in here!" She scolded him. Ron opened his mouth again and turned on his heel out of the hospital wing.

Hermione looked dumbstruck at the turn of events, looked at Harry pleadingly, and just motioned for her to follow Ron. Hermione ran out of the hospital wing calling out after Ron.

Madam Pompfrey looked at Harry up and down looking at the burns riddling his arms. "Follow me Mr. Potter."

"Hold on," Harry said as Draco started turning back towards his bed embarrassed.

Madam Pompfrey sighed and went to go check on one of her other patients who appeared to be Lavender Brown. Although Harry couldn't tell because she was covered practically head to toe in bandages.

Harry reached out and toughed Draco on the shoulder and Draco recoiled but turned back to look at him apprehensively.

Harry put his arms at his sides. "I accept your apology, and I also forgive you for most of the things you've done to me. Not everything because deep down I do believe you are git, but I do forgive you because I also believe you were a terrified git."

Malfoy bristled at this statement but believed it best to keep his mouth shut and let Harry finish saying whatever he had to say.

Harry continued. "I also wanted to ask for forgiveness for all the years I was rude to you and also to thank you for when you managed to lengthen my life for a bit longer at your house when I dropped by for a visit a few weeks ago."

Malfoy looked stunned. And then he snarled. "I didn't do that to spare your life Potter, I did that to… I did that to…" But words seemed to fail him.

"Well it doesn't matter what you intended to do, but that's what you did." Harry said simply.

"Well next time don't go throwing my generosity away like that next time, will you Potter?" Draco bantered, referring to Harry's last trek into the Forbidden Forest.

Harry snorted, "Well if I hadn't your sorry arse probably would've been dead!"

"Touché," Malfoy said. He looked Harry levelly in the eyes and stated, "Well thank you Po… Harry. I hope we can move past our... misunderstandings and stop being enemies." He extended his hand like he had Harry's first year when they had met at Hogwarts. Only this time Harry took it and shook it.

~X~

After Madam Pompfrey treated his burns, Harry was in a dilemma. Ron and Hermione had left him and he didn't want to go back out there and face everyone. Harry patted his pockets, plucked his wand out of his back pocket and held it. It looked as good as new since he fixed it with the Elder Wand. Harry frowned. Wasn't he supposed to do something with the Elder Wand? Oh. Right! He was going to put it back where it belonged. In Dumbledore's white marble tomb. Harry blanched at the thought of seeing Dumbledore's body but he knew he had to. He also knew this was something he must do alone. Although the thought of being alone again and walking back to a place he was unsure of was rather unappealing.

He shifted around on his feet for a minute, and sighed. He mustered up his will and left the hospital wing to make his way up back towards the Gryffindor dormitory to get the Elder Wand. He left it in a pair of socks until he decided to when to take care of it. A lot of people tried to make eye contact with Harry and speak to him as he quickly walked up the hallways. By the time he reached the dormitory, he was almost certain he could hear someone angrily calling his name. When he paused to look back he didn't see anyone. He carried on for a moment until he heard footsteps in hurry, and a furious cry of, "Harry James Potter!" and his heart lurched. A fiery redhead tackled him to the ground not a moment later.

The breath was knocked out of him. Ginny Weasly's angry face and a wand pointed between Harry's eyes appeared over him.

"Hullo, Ginny," he said weakly. Ginny scowled. "I uh… um. Why exactly are you pinning me to the ground?" Harry had a pretty good idea, but he was finding it hard to breathe and his eyes were hurting from trying to focus on Ginny and her wand a few inches from his face at the same time.

She stopped pinning him to the ground and got to her feet but kept her wand pointed at him.

"Get up," she commanded, "we need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Ginny walked Harry through the corridors never letting go of his sleeve. Harry was struggling to keep up; she was taking about 3 strides for every stride he took. Finally Ginny pulled Harry outside. She then continued to drag him towards a deserted tree by the lake. This was one of the few trees undamaged by the war and not covered in debris.

Ginny sat down and tugged Harry to the ground. He sank to the ground, grateful to be with Ginny again and to have no one else bothering him. But he was uneasy, he knew Ginny was positively fuming with him right now, and he wasn't sure if she'd ever forgive him for what he did to her.

She looked at him, her eyes brimming with tears. She huffed turning away from him as tears began to overflow. Harry was dumbstruck. He wasn't sure if he should comfort her but also didn't want her to be in pain. After a minute of conflicted thoughts, Harry reached out and toughed Ginny's shoulder. "Ginny…" he tried to say soothingly but he got choked up too. He was thinking of Fred's last laugh. And the frozen smile on his face as he died. And Remus and Tonks laying side by side in the make shift morgue. He thought of Dobby and his last breaths. He thought of all the deaths that had come at a great cost because of him. Because he didn't relinquish himself to Voldemort when he could've to spare lives. Harry's hand fell limply off of Ginny's shoulder and he covered his face with it.

Great, he thought, I can't even comfort Ginny properly without breaking down. Harry let out a quiet sob, and Ginny cried right along with him without saying anything and without moving to comfort each other.

~X~

After a few minutes of messing crying, Ginny pulled a handkerchief out from her sleeve and handed it to Harry. He took it gingerly and saw the initials F.W. sewn onto the corners. Harry's throat closed up but he didn't cry again. He used it to dry his eyes and handed it back to Ginny.

"Thanks," He choked out.

They sat in silence for a few minutes staring at the lake. A few times Ginny drew in a breath like she wanted to say something but didn't. Finally they both shifted so that they were only about a foot apart. Ginny sat crossed legged. Harry sat with his knees up and his arms wrapped around them resting his chin on his knees. Ginny glanced at him and then back at the handkerchief in her hands.

"He actually gave this to me two summers ago," she began, "Weasly's Wizard Wheezes was just starting to do really well and he had this one for awhile by then. He decided it was time for a new one. I saw he was about to throw it away but he saw me watching him debating whether or not to do it. He turned towards me with a big goofy smile on his face and blew his nose in it." She wrinkled her nose at this and shook her head. "And then he holds it out to me and goes, 'Do you want it Ginny?'" she laughed a bit and stopped abruptly. "So I do the obvious thing and say, 'No thank you,' but he actually cleaned it properly with magic until I was satisfied it was clean. Then he gave it to me and ruffled my hair." She sniffled looking up at the sky.

She sat blinking back tears for a moment, and Harry realized that in the past few days were the first times he has ever seen Ginny cry.

"I don't know why I just told you that, or was the significance is but I know while Fred and George used to like to torture me they both cared for me and wanted to make me happy." She gave Harry a watery smile. "I miss him. And I think I will always miss him. But I think Fred would like me to move on in my life but to also remember the good times I had with him. I can't remember every happy moment I've had with him but they will come and go as time does but I'm glad I still had him for 16 years of my life." She looked at Harry frowning slightly. "I think Fred would've wanted some answers too. Like to the main question. Where were you?" She said this a saddened kind of way, but also in a determined fashion.

"I don't know where to begin," Harry said weakly looking into her sad warm brown eyes.

"Then just begin at the beginning," she whispered leaning in to hear the most life-altering story of her life wiping the last tears from her cheeks.

~X~

Ginny and Harry walked back to the school in a trance, Ginny couldn't believe her ears and Harry couldn't believe he had just told her all of that. He didn't tell her everything like what happened after he was hit after the killing curse or that he was a horcrux. He might someday but he just couldn't tell her today.

He did try to tell her about Snape and how he had been actually been trying to save Harry for the whole time he was at Hogwarts. But Ginny was not having it.

"You weren't here this year, Harry. Snape was absolutely horrid! I mean it was mainly the Carrows issuing the punishments. But he didn't try to restrain them, he seemed to enjoy that we were being punished!" Ginny fumed.

Harry did agree with her, he knew Snape was a spiteful person and did some awful things but he had saved Harry's life and helped end the war. Harry just shrugged and stuck his hands in his pockets.

Ginny looked at him intently. "I'm still mad at you, you know," she pointed out. Harry nodded. "I do understood why you left me in the dark, but it doesn't mean I'm happy you did it. Also, never do that to me again. Next time either tell me why you would leave me, honestly, or take me with you." She looked at him daring him to object. Harry didn't object, not to that at least. He opened his mouth preparing to say something and closed it again. Ginny grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him to a stop.

"What?" she asked him carefully. Harry was looking over her head not making eye contact with her. Ginny slipped her hand under his chin tugging it down to look at her. "What?" She repeated.

Harry pulled away looking at the ground, tears brimming in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Ginny." He said his voice breaking. "I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry I couldn't save Fred. I'm sorry that your loved ones died because I couldn't save them in time. " Harry blinked back his tears but his throat still closed up. He couldn't say anything more. Ginny stared at him, not blinking or moving, her mouth in a surprised little _o_. Harry felt heat rushing to his face as he realized that she was indeed resentful at him for that too. He began to turn away feeling more ashamed and guiltier than he had ever felt before. He was beginning to think he could live alone for the rest of his life. He felt a small cold hand grip his arm tightly yanking him back. While he had been hoping that she'd reach for him he didn't imagine it happening. The hand whipped him around to face its owner. Ginny looked as though she was in down right shock but she pulled Harry into a tight embrace anyway. She rested her cheek against his chest listening to his heart, and was murmuring, "It's not your fault Harry, it's not your fault."

~X~

It took Harry awhile but finally he could feel some of the guilt and shame ebbing away. Ginny was going to be there to help him through ever step. He knew he would always feel somewhat responsible for the deaths that had occurred but Ginny helped him realize that he was only one person and that they had fought bravely and died for a cause they believed in.

"If I ever hear you blame yourself again, Harry James Potter, I will try to hex it out of you, got it?" Ginny held his hand as they walked back into the school.

Harry nodded feeling slightly better. That is until e noticed all the people ogling at him.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Potter!"

Harry turned around to see a certain old Transfiguration Professor walking swiftly towards him.

"Good afternoon Professor," he greeted Mcgonagall.

"Yes thank you, I just wanted to tell you we're having a ceremony in the Great Hall for all the heroes of the Battle this evening after dinner. I assume since you were one of the main attributes to the Battle, you'll be there to accept your award along with Mr. Weasly and Ms. Granger." She looked at Ginny who was still holding his hand. "You too, Ms. Weasly," she said sweeping off before Harry could give his answer. Harry sighed. He felt honor bound to go no matter ho much he didn't want to. He felt better knowing that Ginny and Ron and Hermione would be there with him. He hoped Neville and Luna would be there too accepting some kind of award. He smiled at the thought of Neville and Luna's faces for accepting an award. It was the first time he had smiled for awhile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"And we grant this award to Neville Longbottom, for Special Services to the school," Mcgonagall beamed proudly as Neville stepped forward to take his award. Kingsley Shacklebolt, who had miraculously survived, also stepped forward.

"Neville, for your valiant and brave heroics in the battle and for slaying Voldemort's snake, I now bestow upon you the Honor of Merlin, First Class." Kingsley's voice rumbled proudly. "Your parents would be so proud." Neville nodded and sat down next to Luna who put her hand on his leg and smiled at him. Luna had received the same awards as Neville, as well as Harry, Ginny, Ron, and Hermione. The people who died in the battle for Hogwarts were give the same Honor of Merlin and a special memorial was going to built at the entrance at of the school in their honor. The people who had survived the Battle of Hogwarts and fought in it were acknowledged and given Honor of Merlin, Second Class, excluding Ron, Hermione, Luna, Ginny, Neville, and Harry who had received Honor of Merlin, First Class.

"Thank you for attending this. I know it's been a tough few days," Kingsley began.

"It's been a tough few decades!" Someone called out from the back. A few people chuckled nervously.

Kingsley tipped a slight nod in the person's direction. "This is true," he began, "But the hardest part is over. Voldemort is dead, the Death Eaters have been sent to Azkaban." At this, Harry looked up furrowing his brow and looked for Malfoy. He wasn't there. Of course he wouldn't be, he shouldn't even be here. Kingsley noticed Harry looking rather confused just gave him a look that meant "We'll talk later."

Kingsley continued, "We lost many in this battle, and we do not intend to forget those any time soon." Kingsley gave a meaningful look to the crowd, like anyone would forget what happened here. "We will be holding a memorial service in honor for those who fought bravely and passed in the Battle of Hogwarts and will be erecting a statue for all who fought towards the cause." Everyone clapped loudly. Kingsley smiled and nodded. "Anything else to add, Headmaster?" He gave a pointed look to Mcgonagall.

She cleared her throat looking at her battered and solemn remaining students, friends, and colleagues, "Well I will be taking over the Headmaster's post for the foreseeable future…" She was drowned out but the overwhelming noise of everyone clapping loudly and cheering, she gave a smile and gestured for everyone to quiet down. "Any student who feels they would like to redo a year or come back for their last year is welcome to attend next year. If you just need a refresher course, we will have some classes this summer for you do that also if you just want to move straight onto the next year or just want to get a job by next fall." She looked at Harry and Ron especially. "If you have any questions, you may ask me or any of the other teachers." She adjusted her hat and walked towards where Ginny and Hermione were standing. Kingsley stood up and walked towards the center of the room. "Well that's all. The memorial service will be held exactly a week from today at 10 o'clock in the morning down by the lake where Albus Dumbledore is buried."

Everyone began shifting uncomfortably and began dispersing to their respective dorms. With no warning, Harry smacked his forehead with his hand.

"What?" Ginny asked, alarmed.

"I have to do something, and I completely forgot!" Harry began pushing through the crowd. Looking completely befuddled, Ginny, Ron and Hermione sprinted along after him. It took until they reached the Gryffindor common room to catch up with him.

Hermione grabbed his arm before he could climb up the stairs, "Harry! Hold on for just a second please!" Harry turned towards her, "What? I'm in a hurry!" He exclaimed. She tugged him down. "It'll only take a second."

Harry sighed and seemed jittery as he sat down in Hermione's, Ron's, and his favorite spot. "Yeah, okay, what?" Hermione looked flummoxed. She cleared her throat.

"Well I guess first of all, what are you doing and whatever it is we're coming with you because the last thing you did on your own kind of got you killed." She said all of this in a matter-of-fact and obvious way.

Harry felt rather dumb. Of course they wouldn't really let him wander off alone again. Although they did leave him in the hospital wing… but he was safe there with all the people who knew him… Harry pursed his lips.

"Well I have to go put the Elder Wand back in Dumbledore's tomb. And I didn't want to subject any of you into seeing his body. I don't really want to do it, but I can't keep it, and I don't know anyone or anywhere I could place it until I die, hopefully of natural causes, so I don't know it seemed like the best place to put it." Harry seemed uncomfortable.

"Wait, Harry, are you saying that you're the master of the Elder Wand?" Ginny asked in awe. Harry nodded. Hermione and Ron just looked at each other seeming to hold a silent debate.

"Yeah, but I don't want to be. It's just too much power and too much of a reminder of memories I don't want to be reminded of."

Ron and Ginny looked disappointed but still told Harry that they would accompany him down to the lake. Hermione also agreed but wanted to take a teacher or Kingsley with them.

~X~

In the end they went with Kingsley. The five them went down to the burial grounds of Albus Dumbledore. As they approached the tomb everyone slowed down not wanting to see the body of their old Headmaster. The white marble top, which Voldemort had previously ruined, had been repaired and placed back over the tomb.

"Okay wands out and ready," Kingsley said pulling out his wand. Everyone tugged out their wands. "On my count we'll raise the top off. One… two… three." At once the tomb cover began to rise and they gently laid it beside the tomb. Harry stepped forward. And gently slipped the Elder Wand into Dumbledore's weathered, yet still preserved hands. He stood there for a moment blinking away tears until Hermione stepped forward and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"C'mon Harry," she murmured glancing at Dumbledore's body. He turned around and followed her away from the tomb. He wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his robe and pulled out his own perfectly intact phoenix feather wand and pointed it at the cover of the tomb. Everyone followed his lead without a word and gently placed it back on the tomb.

~X~

Ginny slipped her hand into Harry's as they walked back towards the castle. Kingsley was leading and Ron and Hermione trailing behind murmuring about something. Ginny gave Harry's hand a slight squeeze and said, "Are you okay?"

Harry though about it. "No," he whispered, then with more confidence, "but I will be."


End file.
